Stepping Into the Unknown


I honestly believe I was headed for a stroke before I quit my job.  Nevertheless, when I quit, I was at the point of exhaustion.  My life, once ‘rose colored’ in comparison, had become one that was filled with upheaval.  My eldest daughter was on meth, had recently been arrested on the grounds of the church she’d attended most of her childhood for having a meth lab, and what’s worse, was the talk of the town after her arrest aired on the local news.   My middle child, confused and disillusioned by whatever pill she was taking at the time, left her three young children and husband to live with a man she barely knew, while I attempted to work two jobs and attend online classes, all the while trying to maintain my sanity.  To make matters worse, I had recently been diagnosed with mixed connective tissue disease, lupus being the prime culprit.  The medicines prescribed to me apparently played a part in my ultimate near stroke experience.

After quitting my job, I barely could pick myself up out of the bed.  I wallowed in depression…and wallowed in it….  During this time, I had stopped all prescribed medicines and the hemorrhage in my brain had stopped.  My neurological symptoms began to disappear and I was able to think clearly.  Why hadn’t I taken a leave from work instead of quitting? A twelve-year career…health insurance…retirement….  What was I thinking?  That’s just it.  At the time, I wasn’t.  I couldn’t.  …and, yet, no one attempted to sit down with me and help me weigh the pros and cons.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I’m not placing the blame of any of my decisions on anyone else’s shoulders.  I am accountable for my own actions.  I am simply saying that it’s odd that those that said they ‘loved me’ didn’t make an attempt to help me see beyond my present circumstances.  It is what it is, though…right?

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